I may have a kidney stone, so lately a physical pain has been present along with the emotional one. Other than that things have been ok. I still find myself imagining Lily in my arms lots, but I expect that won't ever stop because it's such a deep longing.
We went out to her grave and left an Easter egg yesterday, and were glad to see she didn't have any new neighbours. We know she will eventually, but every time we see that green grass beside her it helps us to know that someone else hasn't lost their child. I know it's a relatively common thing that people often keep secret, and there will be many children that lost their lives since Lily, but it's a small comfort every time we go out to see her.
I'm still worried that I'm not grieving 'properly', even though I know it isn't black and white. I guess I'm afraid that if I don't deal with things properly it will come back to bite me later. That's something I would like to bring up with the counsellor actually (when we go). I just want re-assurance that I'm going to be psychologically ok in the long run and how I'm grieving isn't causing any harm... I know it's strange, and it seems silly to even me, but for some reason that's how I'm feeling.
Today I'm thankful for: the time I spent holding Lily in my arms. Some parents never experience that with their child. I consider myself lucky.
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