I went back to work for most of the day today. I had planned to go in for a few hours but wanted to see how I would get on. The weirdest thing is I found myself getting really anxious at certain points of the day, which I have never done before in any situation. I think it might be the responsibility of making sure other people are doing what they are meant to be doing when I'm trying to keep myself together. It was when I thought about difficult or stressful things that it seemed to happen, and it took a good 20 minutes to get back to normal... I don't like not really knowing what's happening with my emotions. I usually have relatively good control, so it's something I'm getting used to.
I found myself wishing I was at home working on my project - getting the sound from Lily's funeral all sorted so people who weren't there can share in the day. Don't get me wrong, I could have gone home at any point, I just wanted to see how I would get on. I guess I need to take it easy and not push myself as far. I feel pressured, not by people, but by how society expects me to react in regards to getting over things and going back to work. Putting myself first is something I'm having to learn how to do, but have never been very good at.
Today I'm thankful for: hearing how much Lily's short life has impacted others. We've heard some amazing stories from people already, and the stories are still coming in =)
No comments:
Post a Comment