6 April 2011

It's amazing how many different types of grief there are, even just looking at someone passing away. If someone passes away later on in their life, you may regret saying something hurtful, not saying something you needed to, not spending more time with them etc. One of the good things is you still have a lifetime of memories to call on. Things happen that remind you of that person because of places, songs, smells, food etc that mean something special or that you have shared. It's incredibly hard thinking you'll never do them again, but the memories of doing them are with you forever.

There's just so many categories of grief. People you didn't know well, people you loved, someone you didn't get to say goodbye to, not being able to have a body to bury, never being sure what happened in those last moments, having to turn off life support, never meeting a baby for any reason...  Different circumstances mean different grief, but it still really hurts.

I'm finding it hard not having many things to remember. Feeling her kick, watching her move during scans (much to the doctor's frustration), listening to her heartbeat... Then once she was born her hair, her little fingers and toes, her perfect face... I find myself grasping all the memories I have, and wanted to be able to see something that reminded me of the special time we had with her. I wanted something physical to remember Lily, so Sarah and I decided to each get a ring. We found the ones we love, and they should be ready in a couple of weeks. We can't wait =)

Today I'm thankful for: being blessed by someone dropping off bags of groceries for us, which meant we had everything we needed to have a wonderful bacon and eggs breakfast this morning, and a fridge full of food =)