Yesterday my amazing wife posted this:
"Well it has been 3 weeks since Lily came and went... wonder why I am not over it yet? Because I lost not only a baby, but a toddler, a preschooler, a young child, a pre teen, a teenager, a young adult, an adult... I didn't just lose my baby! We lost a whole life, a life time of joy, challenges, events, laughter... an entire life went with Lily when she went to heaven..."
That's so true. Every day I see things I should be doing with Lily. Today I saw a Mum rush to her little girl when she fell. There's so many things I long to do. I've been ready to be a Dad for a while now, and I know I will be a Dad to other children in the future, but I wish I had that now. I'm a clucky man.
Taking it easy at work is harder than I thought. I've worked the last couple of days and have over-done it slightly both days. Will I ever learn? It's hard not knowing what/how much I'm able to do. All of a sudden I'm really exhausted. It seems everything has had a bigger effect on me than I thought.
Sarah and I have come to learn the pain won't go away, you just learn to cope with it a bit better each day. I feel like I'm a bit behind though, as my grieving seemed to start two weeks after we met & said goodbye to Lily. I haven't really had a chance to think about much over the past couple of days due to work, but I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I have the next two days off, so it will be interesting to see what happens and how I feel. It's still strange not knowing what to expect.
Today I'm thankful for: Days off! I can finish the funeral "audio to pictures" project I've been working on that's almost done, and try and get some much needed sleep =)
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