7 April 2011

Had another go at work today. I spent most of the day out the back and was able to talk to customers on the phone without any problems, but it seems I'm not quite ready to be out on the shop floor dealing with customers directly... I found it easier than Tuesday, but by 2pm I was exhausted, and I could feel the anxiety coming on again. I got home and ended up sleeping for a couple of hours.

This afternoon it kind of hit me that this will take a while. I never want to be 'over it', as I gained a daughter, and feel closer to Sarah than ever. I'm looking forward to feeling better overall though. I still find myself feeling strange about things I have no control over. The anxiety is like an unwelcome guest. Who knows what it will take to get it to leave.

Today I'm thankful for: A special piece of music a friend wrote. He worked on it for two and a half years, but ran out of inspiration every time. After seeing photos of Lily, he was able to complete it. It's just over two minutes long, but it's so powerful. It's amazing to know Lily is weaved into the music, and every time I listen to it I remember the amazing journey and the daughter I gained. Listening to it tonight is just what I needed after a long day =)

Lastly if there is anyone you think would benefit from reading this blog (or Sarah's one: http://lilytynesmum.blogspot.com/) or is going through something similar, feel free to share it with them. This isn't intended to be a private thing at all, and one of the main reasons I started it was to be able to share with, and possibly help, other people. Our midwife has told us there is another couple who looks to be heading down a similar road to the one we are travelling, and although I'm still going through things myself, I would love to share/grieve with anyone who needs it. My emotional shoulders are sore from everything that's on them, but helping people seems to help lift me up, not push me down. I'm blessed to be a person that loves to help, and is able to without taking it all on board myself.