Today started with waking up at 4:45am with severe pain, another trip to A&E, morphine and 4 hours in hospital. Not the best start to the day. It still seems like things like this are a distraction from what happened. When the pain from the kidney stone is gone, the thoughts of Lily come back. The pain I was in this morning was a 9/10, but that only lasts for a short time. The pain of losing a child may not always hurt that much, but it's with you for a long, long time.
Lately it's been a bit easier, but I still find myself clinging to those memories of when Lily had just been born and I held her hand as Sarah and I got to spend that precious time with her. I'm finding it easier to turn the negative thoughts into positive. I've taught myself to turn "she's gone" into "the time I got to spend with her was so special".
It's still hard to see so many other parents with their babies. I find myself thinking "I hope they understand that their child is a gift". It's been hard to see so many news stories about child abuse (especially babies) lately too. It's a truly sickening thought that people are abusing their babies, sometimes even resulting in death. Children should be cherished.
Sarah has had more bloods taken this week because some of her results came back as "slightly abnormal". Now we play the waiting game to find out that everything is fine. So lots going on at the moment. I've started MCing the High School theatresports again too, and going along to rehearsals for a improv performance coming up. It's been good getting involved in things again.
Today I'm thankful for: Sarah, for driving me to the hospital at 6am. Also morphine. I was able to relax and enjoy a relatively pain-free day hanging out with Sarah (even if I was asleep for some of it).
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