Lately I've realised how strong Sarah and have been. I had the thought "What if, two years ago, someone told us the following:
- It will take you a year to get pregnant
- Your first child will be a little girl
- Early on you will find out she has life threatening complications
- There is some hope that the doctors can do something once she is born
- She will choose her own name, and show her personality in scans
- One week before she is born you will be told there is nothing they can do
- You will get less than 10 minutes with her before she will die in your arms
- You will help organise the funeral in less than one and a half days
- Two months later, you will be looking after a 7 year old and 9 year old long term"
There is no way I would have thought any person could survive it. Even thinking about it now, it still doesn't really make sense to me. It's just too much, but somehow we did make it through...
Certain things made it easier. We treated every second we had with her as a gift. We shared our story, and the more we shared, the more support there was. We weren't hiding anything or carrying it on our own. We made her funeral a celebration of her life, and as hard as it has been we've told people how we're really feeling.
I know there are others who have experienced worse. Everyone is different, and can't situations can't really be 'compared'. We react to things in a unique way. It's just made me realise how strong we can be, even when we don't think we have it in us.
Today I'm thankful for: Strength I didn't know I had.
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